A Word about the Author
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John had a son and a daughter, and was the victim of a broken marriage. he met Susan at work and they fell in love. Susan also had a son and a daughter, and was married to a drunken, violent man by whom they suffered physical and mental abuse. In due course he was persuaded to leave the marital home - an idyllic smallholding set in a North Yorkshire forest - but still the harassment continued. John moved in with Susan.
They wrestled with the debts Susan's husband had left behind and tried to turn the neglected farm into something worthwhile. None of these difficulties diminished their love for each other; it just grew stronger, and John was accepted by Susan's children, and also by her parents.
The ex-husband faded into the background, and life at the farm reached a welcome equilibrium. Just as they reached the point where they could look forward to getting on with their own personal paradise disaster struck. Susan was diagnosed with a particularly aggressive cancer. From this point on she not only demonstrated the depth of her love for John and her children, but also her strength and courage.
So that she could avoid staying for long periods in hospital away from her children, John made daily trips with her to Leeds for treatment (a round trip of about 120 miles) for weeks on end. As Susan's health deteriorated, and pain and suffering increased beyond imagination, John left his job and became her devoted carer, medical attendant, housekeeper, cook, gardener, "father" to her children; also there were animals to look after.
The disease stubbornly refused to respond to treatment to the point where Susan and John's intended walk to the paradise garden became the inevitable journey to the hospice, from where Susan was eventually returned home for a final few weeks amongst her loved ones.
Knowing her children would be cared for by her parents (well away from the hands of their drunken father) the love between Susan and John was so strong that they talked themselves into a suicide pact. By this time John had become so involved in Susan's life that even the thought of his own children was insufficient to change his decision to walk into the unknown shadow with her so they could forever be together.
The suicide pact was not executed efficiently enough, however. Susan died; John survived. He tried to struggle on without her, but attempted a second appointment with death, again without success, from which he drew certain conclusions about his life.
There is a happy conclusion to all this ... John eventually found a new love and a purpose in life. He is in regular contact with his own two children. I am happy to count him amongst my friends.
During Susan's illness John wrote a book (as yet unpublished) about their experience. He also wrote some poems (usually in the early hours of the morning), and these are reproduced here.
Where Light is Love Written soon after John met Sue.
Encouragement Written after Sue's cancer was diagnosed.
To my Darling Sue Written on confirmation of terminal illness.
Broadhead Farm Describes their idyllic home.
Myself Self-analysis and the road to despair.
Questions for God Is God there? Does He care?
The Hospice In praise of St Catherine's Hospice, Scarborough, N.Yorks.
A View on Death Is death an enemy or a friend?
Destroyer of Love Bitter thoughts about Sue's ex-husband.
Sleep The dark at the end of the tunnel.